It's probably just my PMS talking, but sometimes it's hard not to feel like a loser.  

These past couple of days I've been feeling that build of just wanting to be alone and not have to take care of anyone other than myself for a day or two.  Then I feel like a loser because it was my choice to have a family.  A family is going to drive their mom nuts, right?

Like, why do I have to be the one going to the person who needs something.  They should come to me if they need me for something!!  No matter how many times I speak of this, it doesn't work.  

Then there's the times where I get scolded for not answering the question that I didn't hear because it was being asked from me from 2 rooms down while I'm hovering over a loud faucet in the kitchen doing everyones dishes.

Yes, I've spent all day everyday with my family for the past (nearly) 3 months.  We have had one, just 1! evening out where we had a babysitter.  

I am so ready to have one huge screaming, crying, pulling my hair out incident.  Then I feel like a loser because this is MY family.  I made us.

I need a haircut and for school to start.  One more week and we will be heading home.  There will be more routine and more toys to play with.  I will have the small things that keep me sane… cooking in my own kitchen, walking Nola on the trails, working at Indie Made once a week, showering and actually feeling clean for longer than 30 minutes.

Until then, I'm just going to hangout in Hawaii feeling like a big loser.