ravishingjane — Fri, 08/17/2012 - 12:25
It's probably just my PMS talking, but sometimes it's hard not to feel like a loser.
These past couple of days I've been feeling that build of just wanting to be alone and not have to take care of anyone other than myself for a day or two. Then I feel like a loser because it was my choice to have a family. A family is going to drive their mom nuts, right?
Like, why do I have to be the one going to the person who needs something. They should come to me if they need me for something!! No matter how many times I speak of this, it doesn't work.
Then there's the times where I get scolded for not answering the question that I didn't hear because it was being asked from me from 2 rooms down while I'm hovering over a loud faucet in the kitchen doing everyones dishes.
Yes, I've spent all day everyday with my family for the past (nearly) 3 months. We have had one, just 1! evening out where we had a babysitter.
I am so ready to have one huge screaming, crying, pulling my hair out incident. Then I feel like a loser because this is MY family. I made us.
I need a haircut and for school to start. One more week and we will be heading home. There will be more routine and more toys to play with. I will have the small things that keep me sane… cooking in my own kitchen, walking Nola on the trails, working at Indie Made once a week, showering and actually feeling clean for longer than 30 minutes.
Until then, I'm just going to hangout in Hawaii feeling like a big loser.